He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize