I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
