It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
