I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
