Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
