i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
