True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
