i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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