The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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