Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
