The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
