Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
