went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
