My Higher Power is John Stamos
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
