just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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