i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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