I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
