my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
