I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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