We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
