Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
