ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
