I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
