Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
