Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize