so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
