There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
