Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
tell me about the eggs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
