He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
