nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
