But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
