No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
