If i come over, it means nothing
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
