They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
