we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
