You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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