Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
