We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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