Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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