I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
