I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
