my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
