he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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