Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
