I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize