Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
