'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
