I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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