ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
