I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
