Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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