Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
