Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
