In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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