We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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