KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
