how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
