I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
