can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
