hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize