I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize