Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
