So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
