Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
