genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
