i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
