THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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