already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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