Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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