Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
