u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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