I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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